


Like I just lost the world war

by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel



Series: I Get a Little Bit Genghis Khan [4]
Category: Genghis Khan - Miike Snow (Music Video)
Genre: 1960s, Angst, Break Up, Homosexuality, M/M, Resolution, Separation, Spies & Secret Agents, Supervillains, Wife's POV, marriage break up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 12:25:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6153648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel/pseuds/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Discovering that your husband is leaving you for another man is never a pleasant thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like I just lost the world war

**Author's Note:**

> _I'm actually working on a fic in this series that comes before this fic, but after 'Don’t want you to get it on with nobody else but me.' That fic is still in the works, though. So here, have this one._

** Like I just lost the world war **

Natalia can’t believe she was such a fool.

Nine years she’s wasted, playing housewife to a man she thought loved her; nine long, lonely years in which nothing was ever quite as she dreamed it would be, and now she knows why.

Fucking Sphinx – _Karl_ – likes men. Exclusively.

Natalia doesn’t know what his deal with her was – was she his mask? His fantasy of what could be? Someone convenient to fulfil his desire for children? – and she doesn’t want to know; Karl tried to explain, but Natalia screamed at him to shut up, just _shut up_ , because she fed her blood and her tears into this marriage, and for what? For Karl to leave her for some fucking secret agent who was sent to spy on him? Natalia gave up her career, her dreams, her _life_ , all for him: she’s lived the last nine years in a kind of limbo, knowing that something was wrong but not what, terrified the entire time that it was _her_.

Karl told her that it wasn’t her fault, like that makes it better, to know she never had any kind of control over what’s happened.

Natalia can’t stand it. She packs her bags and leaves Karl and the children – she loves Clara and David, but they’re also part of the problem, right now – and their picture-perfect house in the suburbs, because at the moment she can’t deal with any of it.

She talks to her old contacts, and flies out to West Germany, where there’s a job waiting for her, and Natalia tries to clear her head by what she’s always done best. It feels good to be back in the game after all these years, to look down the sight of a gun and feel her finger on the trigger again. For the first time in years, Natalia feels like herself, in a way she never did after her marriage.

Natalie stops by Vienna to meet up with her sister, who at forty has never been married (although she’s had a long string of lovers over the years – both male and female, scandalous though that is) and is still pursuing a career as an evil scientist as busily as ever, braving secret agents and the sexism of her male counterparts with fortitude.

“Oh darling, I’m so sorry,” Anya says, when Natalia has told her everything. “Still, at least he finally told you. Imagine: you could have spent the rest of your life married to that man, and never known the truth.”

Natalia has imagined: she still doesn’t know whether it would be better or worse than her current situation. 

“Besides,” her sister goes on, “now you can return to your career, the way you always secretly wanted to – and don’t tell me you never said anything of the sort: just because you never said it doesn’t mean you weren’t _thinking_ it. I know you, and you were never really happy as a housewife, were you?”

“I just feel so angry,” Natalia says, because no reason or logic in the world can help with that fact. Anya pats Natalia’s hand, and orders her another drink from the bar.

Natalia keeps travelling.

Natalia only means to be gone a few days before she goes back home, but the few days stretch into a few weeks and the few weeks stretch into months; she wakes up one morning to find it’s been nearly six months since she left Karl and her family, six months of travelling the world and rediscovering herself, meeting interesting people (and occasionally, killing them).

She’s had time to think, these past few months, and her feelings about Karl are clearer, and at the same time more complicated. She hates him for what he did to her, even though she admits that telling her the truth was kinder than going on with the lie would have been. She still loves him, in spite of everything; Karl was her dream man, driven and successful and full of idealistic ambition, ready to change the world one superlaser blast at a time. But for the length of their entire marriage, Natalia had tried to be something she wasn’t; in her own way, she’d been living a lie just as much as Karl had, desperate to be worthy of his adoration. Well, she never got it, whether she was worthy or not; she has no doubt that Karl sincerely cared for her, but she was never his ideal, the way he was hers. Thanks to the hidden camera she’s installed in what used to be her bedroom, Natalia knows that Karl looks at his secret agent in a way he’s never, ever looked at her – a kind of tender wonder that makes Natalia seethe with jealousy, even knowing, as she now does, that the man she thought she loved wasn’t the man she actually married.

Thanks to the hidden cameras, Natalia spends weeks watching Karl and his – boyfriend? lover? – and their sickening domesticity. Natalia is forced to admit, grudgingly, that Secret Agent seems to be good for Karl: he’s supportive and caring, and kind to the kids, and he makes Karl smile, and even participates in the impromptu musical numbers that used to drive Natalia crazy. He’s handsome, too, with a crooked, earnest smile that peeks out now and again, when he thinks no one but Karl is watching.

Natalia gives up on her dreams of revenge. It’s satisfying to dream, but she knows that the reality wouldn’t bring her any joy. Instead, she watches footage of her children. David’s started school since she saw him last, and developed an obsession with outer space, while Clara’s gotten her hair cut short, in a haircut reminiscent of a twenties starlet. Natalia would never have allowed it; but then, in his own way Karl has always been a softer touch than her, for all he’s a ruthless supervillain. When it comes to those he cares for, he’d do almost anything, Natalia knows. It’s part of why the children’s identities and location – and hers – were always such a closely-guarded secret. If the agencies after Karl couldn’t find them, then they couldn’t be used against him.

The children seem to be doing well, and Natalia is satisfied. Between them, Secret Agent and Karl seem to be doing an adequate job, and are happier about it than Natalia ever was. Natalia is finally willing to admit that while she was a good mother, her heart was never really in it. So, eventually, finally, she forgives both of them.

She sails back into their lives on a Sunday afternoon, pulling up outside the house in a black convertible at a time when she knows everyone will be home. She’s wearing a black mini-dress and sunglasses, carrying a parcel under each arm as well as her handbag, and when Secret Agent opens the door, cautiously, she smiles pleasantly, and says, “You must be the man that my husband left me for.”

To his credit, Secret Agent only winces a little, and says, “You must be Natalia.”

“I’d like to see my children, please,” says Natalia. “And Karl, if he’s here.”

Secret Agent’s mouth quirks, and he says, “You call him Karl?”

“You don’t?” Natalia raises an arch eyebrow, letting her sunglasses slide down her nose. “Do you call him Sphinx even in the bedroom?”

Secret Agent full-on laughs at that, and finally steps back, allowing Natalia into the house. 

Natalia walks into the dining area, where Clara and David are fighting over crayons. It’s David who sees her first, and says, “ _Mummy?_ ” in such an incredulous, wary tone that it almost breaks even Natalia’s hardened heart.

“Hello, darlings,” she says, and barely has time to put the parcels down on the bench before she’s swarmed by squealing children. Natalia hugs them both, asks Clara, “What on _earth_ did Daddy let you do to your hair?” and tells David that he’s gotten taller.

She looks up to see Karl framed in the doorway, looking thunderstruck, in the middle of exchanging a look with Secret Agent, who’s shrugging helplessly.

Natalia pushes her sunglasses back up her nose.

“Don’t worry, Karl,” she says dryly. “I’m only here to visit the kids, not disrupt your notions of homosexual bliss.”

Karl blinks at that.

“You haven’t called me Karl in years,” is what he says.

“I refuse to call you by that ridiculous moniker now that I don’t have to,” says Natalia. “Did you get my postcard?”

“What postcard?”

“I sent it anonymously, but I’m sure you received it,” Natasha says coolly.

“Wait, the one of the sphinx in Egypt?” Secret Agent says, and bursts into laughter. Karl smiles in spite of himself as he gets the joke: rather ruefully, but genuinely all the same. It causes a twinge in Natalia’s heart. She ruthlessly suppresses the feeling.

“My darlings, I brought you presents,” she tells her children, handing a parcel to Clara and David each.

For Clara Natalia’s gotten a chemistry set – who knows, maybe Clara will take after her aunt, and be enthralled by the world of science – and for David, a tiny but fully-functional rocket.

David is as overjoyed as Natalia expected, while Clara is curious enough about the chemistry set that Natalia can hold out hope. Karl tells them to thank their mother and put away their new possessions, and both children deliver a rushed “Thank you, Mummy!” before racing upstairs.

Natalia turns towards Secret Agent, smiling sweetly.

“You know, I never did catch your name.”

“It’s James.”

“Like James Bond?” Natalia says, and Karl sighs.

“James already made that joke,” he says.

“That doesn’t mean it isn’t funny,” Natalia tells him.

Secret Agent is regarding her cautiously, but with curiosity. Natalia offers him her hand.

“Natalia Ivanova,” she says, deliberately using her maiden name.

James shakes her hand. His grip is firm, but not overly so, and his hand is warm.

“James Addams,” he says, smiling a smile so perfectly charming that Natalia immediately suspects him of having practiced it in the mirror many, many times.

She narrows her eyes at him.

“Hmm,” she says, and lets go of his hand.

“You seem a lot less angry than I expected,” James adds.

Natalia smiles at him, showing just a little too many teeth, and James looks wary again.

“Be glad I waited seven months to meet you,” she says, and turns to Karl.

For a long moment they just look at each other.

“You’re a right bastard,” Natalia says at last, without any heat.

“I know.” Karl looks genuinely contrite. Natalia sighs.

“Come here and give me a hug, you great fool.”

Karl advances slowly, cautiously, as James watches with amused alarm but doesn’t interfere, and Natalia firmly folds Karl into her arms. It’s awkward at first, but Karl slowly relaxes, and wraps his own arms around Natalia.

“I’m so sorry, Natalia,” he says sincerely.

“Shut up,” Natalia tells him. “I plan to apply for a divorce as soon as possible. I’ll be asked to provide evidence of your infidelity, if I want the court to grant the divorce. I expect you to go along with it.”

This means that Karl’s relationship with another man will become public, a scandalous thing in this day and age, and Natalia knows how much harder that will make life for Karl and James – but this is the least that Karl owes her, after everything. Natasha refuses to remain shackled to a man who has clearly moved on.

“Of course,” says Karl, as Natalia steps back, breaking the hug. 

“Will you be staying for dinner?” James adds. “We’re having spaghetti bolognese – genuine Italian recipe.”

Natalia considers.

“Yes, I think I will,” she decides.

Karl is smiling, just a little. Natalia decides to excuse it.

“Now you, make me a martini and tell me all about how you two actually met, because Karl was light on the details,” Natalia orders James.

James looks bemused, but does as she tells him.

He tells the story of how he and Karl met and slowly fell in love, which leads into the story of how they became a couple. James is a good story-teller, going for a combination of maximum humour and dramatic effect, and when James tells her about being strapped to a table beneath Karl’s giant superlaser, afraid for his life, only to have Karl confess his feelings for him, Natalia laughs.

“I thought I was going to die,” James says, and Natalia shakes her head, and smiles. Hearing the story only stings a little; mostly, Natalia is sympathetic and amused – towards James rather than Karl, because it sounds like the secret agent had no notion what was going on at the time, while Karl was making an utter mess of things. It’s some kind of miracle that things didn’t go horribly wrong for them both. 

“And then,” James continues, “he pressed a button on the remote, and suddenly the cuffs opened. Henchmen surged towards me, ready to riddle me with bullets, but Sphinx just called them off and turned away, waiting for me to leave. If the information I’d gathered got back to my organisation, Sphinx was most likely dead – but there he was, just letting me leave. It was the look on his face that really got me – he looked so sad, and so certain I was going to just walk out. That was the moment I really realised that I was in love with him.”

“And so you stayed,” Natalia murmurs, sipping at her martini. “And here you are – a supervillain and a secret agent.”

“Former secret agent,” James corrects, and Natalia nods.

“I can see how it would be a little difficult to remain a secret agent after falling in love with the target.”

“Extremely,” James says dryly, but with humour. “And I wasn’t exactly in their good books to begin with. That’s why they sent me after Sphinx in the first place, because of the high probability I’d be discovered and killed.”

James says this matter-of-factly, and sips his martini, but Karl looks furious, although unsurprised. He always has been terribly protective of those he cares for.

“Karl’s people are very good,” Natalia agrees. 

“It was more than that,” Karl says, his voice quiet and cold, and James glances quickly at him. “Someone deliberately leaked James’ dossier so that I’d find out everything. At the time I thought it was a sympathiser to my cause, but now I wonder if it was simply a measure to ensure that James didn’t come back alive.”

James is staring at Karl in open surprise. For a former secret agent, he isn’t very guarded at all. Natalia suspects that this is a recent development.

“You never told me that,” James says to Sphinx.

“It didn’t really come up in our initial discussion,” Sphinx says, “and we haven’t talked about it the issue since then.”

“True enough,” James agrees. He seems surprisingly unmoved to discover that his agency genuinely did their best to kill him, and Natalia wonders what other horrendous things they’ve done that James knows about. 

But James changes the subject before she can ask, with “Another martini, Natalia?” and an easy smile even as he takes her empty glass from her, so Natalia lets the issue lie. 

The kids rejoin them for dinner, which to give James his due, tastes delicious. It makes it a little easier to deal with the way he and Natalia’s husband keep making eyes at one another. Natalia reminds herself that feeling bitter won’t get her anywhere: it’s best if she starts over, and she’s determined to do so, no matter how ridiculously, insultingly in-love Karl and James clearly are. 

Natalia talks to the children in between mouthfuls of spaghetti bolognese, asking them about school and everything else. Clara and David are eager to tell her everything they can about how their lives have gone in her absence.

Natalia glances at her watch as dinner draws to an end.

“Well, I’d best be on my way,” she says, and is met by a pair of dismayed faces.

“You mean you’re not staying?” Clara asks, accusation clear in her tone.

“I’m afraid not, darling,” says Natalia, because she’s due in Paris a day and a half from now, and Natalia likes to be early for these things. “But I’ll be back next month, so you both be good for Daddy and James, understand?”

Clara pouts, and David says, “Why can’t you stay, Mummy?”

“I just can’t, darling. Now come here and give me a kiss goodbye.”

The children do as she bids, and Natalia rises from her seat, and surveys Karl and James for a moment.

“I’ll see you again next month,” she says finally, instead of one of the many things rushing through her brain at this moment. Karl seems so _happy_ – and while she’d like to hate him for it, she really can’t bring herself to.

“You’re welcome anytime,” Karl says, and Natalia gives him a kiss on the cheek before she leaves.

As she gets in her car, the children wave from the open doorway of the house, Karl standing behind them. Seven months ago, they were Natalia’s entire life. 

Natalia smiles, bittersweet, and starts the car engine. When she drives away, she doesn’t look back, her eyes on the open road in front of her.

It’s for the best, she thinks, and although the thought still hurts a little, she knows that all she needs is a little more time.  
 


End file.
